Ori (h3av3nlyboi) wrote,
Ori
h3av3nlyboi

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is it that time of the year again?

Days like this make me wish i would have gone through with it and had enough balls to say something.

I dont know if its the fact that i have done pretty well in not seeing many people and focusing on my studies or I am actually having regrets for the things ive done. I aways say that i need some change in my life and suprise suprise im actually going through with most of them. Ive been quite good lately and am quite hoesntly impresses that its been so easy.

Your only a phone call away and trust me i have been thinking about it.

what is it that im afraid of?

- could you put me back in my old ways?
- could you make me happy
- that im not as strong as I like to think I am??


I dont know what it is but I will find an answer to it real soon.


__________________________________

constantly looking for more people that i can associate with and bring enjoyment back into my everyday life has finally come. Ive stopped being such a mean person and have actually given people a chance but there is that voice in my head that says to stop while im ahead but maybe this is what i really need.

Maybe if I try harder


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Constantly leaving myself alone with my thoughts has been working out for the better ( or at least id like to think so)

I found a disgustingly lame hobby that I am in love with and it has given me a chance to go out of my shell and express myself and bring my normal randomly fucked up thoughts to real life and it excites me but im afraid of being criticized which ihave been getting lately. a bit of good and bad but we shall see.
__________________________________________________


lets see how far i can actually let this go. is it a commpetition with myself or have i left myself with no choice.

I think i have found somebody, and given some situations I have put myself not knowing or doing for a test you have passed pretty well but there are many possible ways this could all pan out.

I honestly think im ready, we shall see.

__________________________________________


Am i ready to forgive and forget? the more and more i think about it, i have let petty shit come between us but am i willing to trust you fully?

when im around you, i dont get those feelings anymore which is pretty good but maybe you have just lost eveyrthing i enjoyed about you.

people change all the time. im ready for my change.


the distance between us was worring me but now i think about it, i need to stop being such a whiney bitch and get over it. I dont need you as much as i used to. maybe this is what we both really need.

At least i know when i do need you, you will deliver, dispite the shit you will give me for it.

thats what friends are for.
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