In my constant seaarch for a job ( i honestly dont know why i do this to myself. I need to stick with something because this is just getting really pathetic and i dont want to be that person anymore)i finally come to the conculsion that i am tired of all these deadend jobs and that i do need to put myself in the field that i am planning to persue. being that ive been so long without a job and constantly doing shitty side jobs to get money I have decided I will wait till i get what i want. which i know sounds childish but it is something i have decided to do. This week alone I finally sucked it up and applied to the places that i assumed i wouldnt have even had a chance and i have been called back which is good.
things are picking up but my constant fear of this sudden change of good luck is slowing me down. i cant let it do that to me anymore.
I have stopped day dreaming like the stupid perosn in their mid twenties usually does. I am at a place in my life where i honestly believe i know where im going and what i am going to accomplish.
I just wish i had learned this earlier and not wasted those years of my life.
Collin is back in my life in a way, still not sure how that is going but being that our last argument was stupid on both our parts
pushing his limits. trying to see how much i could actually get away with.
Accusing me of something that he has done in his past and not allowing me to explain the the reasons behind my actions
I do now understand that i need to stop being such a creep and looking into the future and take it as it comes. Im still worried about bringing him around my friends. what worries me the most is their kidding jokes i know they would crack and honestly it will make me lose what i do see in him. I know its not about what they think and its all about what i feel but come on now, i cant just turn that switch off just like that.
see there i go again looking into the future.
but honestly I dont see a reason for a relationship on either of our parts, but i jsut feel that something is bound to happen. we shall see.
Im finally doing good in school, going on 3 semesters with no severe fuck ups. So who knows, but next semester i should actually be applying to pharmacy schools, and that excites me. I have been slacking a bit these past few weeks, i blame sxsw. after that trip i came back not wanting to do a damn thing. but finals are jsut a few weeks away so here I am at Bohemios all adderalled up getting my shit done.
I cut my going out by a lot and i enjoy it. I think i have reached a sort of routine in my life and as much as that scares me casue im 21 and i should be doing anything ande verything i want, this was much needed.
My thoughts lately havent been putting me in such a shitty or sad mood. I have been real good on that and i can feel that good change in everything in my life.
well back to studying i go. I honestly think i may be able to pull an A in this class. HOLD THE PHONE. hahha